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My Discovery of England by Stephen Leacock
page 79 of 149 (53%)
sense of belittling him as our imperial ally but because we consider
that the present is no time for half words and we do not regard pup
as half a word. Events such as the present, rocking the Empire to its
base, make one long for the spacious days of a Salisbury or a Queen
Elizabeth, or an Alfred the Great or a Julius Caesar. We doubt
whether the present Cabinet is in this class."

Not to lose any time in the coming and going of the mail, always
a serious thought for the contributor to the Press waiting for a
cheque, I sent another editorial on the same topic to the Manchester
Guardian. It ran as follows:

"The action of the Shriek of Kowfat in proclaiming a Jehad against us
is one that amply justifies all that we have said editorially since
Jeremy Bentham died. We have always held that the only way to deal
with a Mohammedan potentate like the Shriek is to treat him like a
Christian. The Khalifate of Kowfat at present buys its whole supply
of cotton piece goods in our market and pays cash. The Shriek, who is
a man of enlightenment, has consistently upheld the principles of
Free Trade. Not only are our exports of cotton piece goods, bibles,
rum, and beads constantly increasing, but they are more than offset
by our importation from Kowfat of ivory, rubber, gold, and oil. In
short, we have never seen the principles of Free Trade better
illustrated. The Shriek, it is now reported, refuses to wear the
braces presented to him by our envoy at the time of his coronation
five years ago. He is said to have thrown them into the mud. But we
have no reason to suppose that this is meant as a blow at our
prestige. It may be that after five years of use the little pulleys
of the braces no longer work properly. We have ourselves in our
personal life known instances of this, and can speak of the sense of
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