He is sorry for the other man, he is ashamed that he has not pitied
the man before, and he can still rise to the succor of the sufferer.
But now I was like a physician, who has come with his medicine to the
sick man, has uncovered his sore, and examined it, and who must
confess to himself that every thing that he has done has been in
vain, and that his remedy is good for nothing.



CHAPTER XI.



This visit dealt the final blow to my self-delusion. It now appeared
indisputable to me, that what I had undertaken was not only foolish
but loathsome.

But, in spite of the fact that I was aware of this, it seemed to me
that I could not abandon the whole thing on the spot. It seemed to
me that I was bound to carry out this enterprise, in the first place,
because by my article, by my visits and promises, I had aroused the
expectations of the poor; in the second, because by my article also,
and by my talk, I had aroused the sympathies of benevolent persons,
many of whom had promised me their co-operation both in personal
labor and in money. And I expected that both sets of people would
turn to me for an answer to this.

What happened to me, so far as the appeal of the needy to me is
concerned, was as follows: By letter and personal application I
received more than a hundred; these applications were all from the