is only in the presence of his courtiers that he affects a calm and
tranquil deportment; but I perceive his sufferings are the greater from
thus endeavouring to conceal them. By the by, I forgot to mention that
he knew of the visit you paid me on the day after the catastrophe. I
dreaded that your enemies, the greater number of whom are also mine,
might have misrepresented that interview; but, fortunately, he paid
little attention to it. He merely said, 'So you have seen Bourrienne?
Does he sulk at me? Nevertheless I must do something for him.' He has
again spoken in the same strain, and repeated nearly the same expressions
three days ago; and since he has commanded your presence to-day, I have
not a doubt but he has something in view for your advantage."--" May I
presume to inquire what it is?"--"I do not yet know; but I would
recommend to you, in the meantime, to be more strictly on your guard than
ever; he is so suspicious, and so well informed of all that is done or
said respecting himself. I have suffered so much since I last saw you;
never can I forget the unkind manner in which he rejected my entreaties!
For several days I laboured under a depression of spirits which greatly
irritated him, because he clearly saw whence it proceeded. I am not
dazzled by the title of Empress; I dread some evil will result from this
step to him, to my children, and to myself. The miscreants ought to be
satisfied; see to what they have driven us! This death embitters every
moment of my life. I need not say to you, Bourrienne, that I speak this
in confidence."--"You cannot doubt my prudence."--" No, certainly not,
Bourrienne. I do not doubt it. My confidence in you is unbounded. Rest
assured that I shall never forget what you have done for me, under
various circumstances, and the devotedness you evinced to me on your
return from Egypt.--Adieu, my friend. Let me see you soon again."

It was on the 14th of June 1804 that I had this audience of the Emperor,
and afterwards attended the Empress.