dieting; but at last, the pain having become entirely unbearable, in 1808
I requested of his Majesty a month's leave of absence in order to be
cured, Dr. Boyer having told me that a month was the shortest time
absolutely necessary for my restoration, and that without it my disease
would become incurable. I went to Saint-Cloud to visit my wife's family,
where Yvan, surgeon of the Emperor, came to see me every day. Hardly a
week had passed, when he told me that his Majesty thought I ought to be
entirely well, and wished me to resume my duties. This wish was
equivalent to an order; it was thus I understood it, and returned to the
Emperor, who seeing me pale, and suffering excruciatingly, deigned to say
to me many kind things, without, however, mentioning a new leave of
absence. These two were my only absences for sixteen years; therefore,
on my return from Moscow, and during the campaign of France, my disease
having reached its height, I quitted the Emperor at Fontainebleau,
because it was impossible for me, in spite of all my attachment to so
kind a master, and all the gratitude which I felt towards him, to perform
my duties longer. Even after this separation, which was exceedingly
painful to me, a year hardly sufficed to cure me, and then not entirely.
But I shall take occasion farther on to speak of this melancholy event.
I now return to the recital of facts, which prove that I could, with more
reason than many others, believe myself a person of great importance,
since my humble services seemed to be indispensable to the master of
Europe, and many frequenters of the Tuileries would have had more
difficulty than I in proving their usefulness. Is there too much vanity
in what I have just said? and would not the chamberlains have a right to
be vexed by it? I am not concerned with that, so I continue my
narrative. The Emperor was tenacious of old habits; he preferred, as we
have already seen, being served by me in preference to all others;
nevertheless, it is my duty to state that his servants were all full of
zeal and devotion, though I had been with him longest, and had never left