must understand, gentlemen, that I was sent into the world, not to act,
which I abominate, but to chronicle small beer and teach an army of
little brats their letters; so this word 'wife,' and that word
'chimney-corner,' took possession of my mind, and a vision of darning
stockings for a large party, all my own, filled my heart, and really I
felt quite grateful to the little brute that was to give me all this, and
he would have had such a wife as men never do have, still less deserve.
But one fine day that the theater left me time to examine his manner
toward me, I instantly discovered he was deceiving me. So I had him
watched, and the little brute was going to marry another woman, and break
it to me by degrees afterward, etc. You know, Sir Charles? Ah! I see you
do.

"I found her out; got an introduction to her father; went down to his
house three days before the marriage, with a little coalblack mustache,
regimentals, and what not; made up, in short, with the art of my sex,
gentlemen--and the impudence of yours.

"The first day I flirted and danced with the bride. The second I made
love to her, and at night I let her know that her intended was a villain.
I showed her letters of his; protestations, oaths of eternal fidelity to
one Peg Woffington, 'who will die,' drawled I,' if he betrays her.'

"And here, gentlemen, mark the justice of Heaven. I received a backhanded
slap: 'Peg Woffington! an actress! Oh, the villain!' cried she; 'let him
marry the little vagabond. How dare he insult me with his hand that had
been offered in such a quarter?'

"So, in a fit of virtuous indignation, the little hypocrite dismissed the
little brute; in other words, she had fallen in love with me.