SALTARIX MACKINTOSHA - for if that ostrich wakes he will kick you
to death in a minute."

"I can't help that," the Man of Principle replied, with that lofty
scorn of practical considerations distinguishing his species. "He
may kick me to death if he wish, but until he does he shall give me
shelter from the storm. He has swallowed my umbrella."



The Returned Californian



A MAN was hanged by the neck until he was dead.

"Whence do you come?" Saint Peter asked when the Man presented
himself at the gate of Heaven.

"From California," replied the applicant.

"Enter, my son, enter; you bring joyous tidings."

When the Man had vanished inside, Saint Peter took his memorandum-
tablet and made the following entry:

"February 16, 1893. California occupied by the Christians."