having really and truly forgotten what he gave, he receives it as
though it were a present.

XVIII. Some men not only give, but even receive benefit haughtily, a
mistake into which we ought not to fall: for now let us cross over
to the other side of the subject, and consider how men should behave
when they receive benefits. Every function which is performed by two
persons makes equal demands upon both: after you have considered
what a father ought to be, you will perceive that there remains an
equal task, that of considering what a son ought to be: a husband
has certain duties, but those of a wife are no less important. Each
of these give and take equally, and each require a similar rule of
life, which, as Hecaton observes, is hard to follow: indeed, it is
difficult for us to attain to virtue, or even to anything that comes
near virtue: for we ought not only to act virtuously but to do so
upon principle. We ought to follow this guide throughout our lives,
and to do everything great and small according to its dictates:
according as virtue prompts us we ought both to give and to
receive. Now she will declare at the outset that we ought not to
receive benefits from every man. "From whom, then, ought we to
receive them?" To answer you briefly, I should say, from those to
whom we have given them. Let us consider whether we ought not to be
even more careful in choosing to whom we should owe than to whom we
should give. For even supposing that no unpleasantness should
result (and very much always does), still it is a great misery to
be indebted to a man to whom you do not wish to be under an
obligation; whereas it is most delightful to receive a benefit from
one whom you can love even after he has wronged you, and when the
pleasure which you feel in his friendship is justified by the
grounds on which it is based. Nothing is more wretched for a modest