HIGGINS [dogmatically, lifting himself on his hands to the level
of the piano, and sitting on it with a bounce] Well, I haven't. I
find that the moment I let a woman make friends with me, she
becomes jealous, exacting, suspicious, and a damned nuisance. I
find that the moment I let myself make friends with a woman, I
become selfish and tyrannical. Women upset everything. When you
let them into your life, you find that the woman is driving at
one thing and you're driving at another.

PICKERING. At what, for example?

HIGGINS [coming off the piano restlessly] Oh, Lord knows! I
suppose the woman wants to live her own life; and the man wants
to live his; and each tries to drag the other on to the wrong
track. One wants to go north and the other south; and the result
is that both have to go east, though they both hate the east
wind. [He sits down on the bench at the keyboard]. So here I am,
a confirmed old bachelor, and likely to remain so.

PICKERING [rising and standing over him gravely] Come, Higgins!
You know what I mean. If I'm to be in this business I shall feel
responsible for that girl. I hope it's understood that no
advantage is to be taken of her position.

HIGGINS. What! That thing! Sacred, I assure you. [Rising to
explain] You see, she'll be a pupil; and teaching would be
impossible unless pupils were sacred. I've taught scores of
American millionairesses how to speak English: the best looking
women in the world. I'm seasoned. They might as well be blocks of