serenity, without having experienced any great evils, either of body or
mind. How much justice was there in the thought! A preconception of
what I had to suffer made me fear to live, and it seemed that I dreaded
the fate which must attend my future days. I have never been so near
wisdom as during this period, when I felt no great remorse for the past,
nor tormenting fear for the future; the reigning sentiment of my soul
being the enjoyment of the present. Serious people usually possess a
lively sensuality, which makes them highly enjoy those innocent pleasures
that are allowed them. Worldlings (I know not why) impute this to them
as a crime: or rather, I well know the cause of this imputation, it is
because they envy others the enjoyment of those simple and pure delights
which they have lost the relish of. I had these inclinations, and found
it charming to gratify them in security of conscience. My yet
inexperienced heart gave in to all with the calm happiness of a child,
or rather (if I dare use the expression) with the raptures of an angel;
for in reality these pure delights are as serene as those of paradise.
Dinners on the grass at Montagnole, suppers in our arbor, gathering in
the fruits, the vintage, a social meeting with our neighbors; all these
were so many holidays, in which Madam de Warrens took as much pleasure as
myself. Solitary walks afforded yet purer pleasure, because in them our
hearts expanded with greater freedom: one particularly remains in my
memory; it was on a St. Louis' day, whose name Madam de Warrens bore: we
set out together early and unattended, after having heard a mass at break
of day in a chapel adjoining our house, from a Carmelite, who attended
for that purpose. As I proposed walking over the hills opposite our
dwelling, which we had not yet visited, we sent our provisions on before;
the excursion being to last the whole day. Madam de Warrens, though
rather corpulent, did not walk ill, and we rambled from hill to hill and
wood to wood, sometimes in the sun, but oftener in the shade, resting
from time to time, and regardless how the hours stole away; speaking of