My health was not yet re-established; I decayed visibly, was pale as
death, and reduced to an absolute skeleton; the beating of my arteries
was extreme, my palpitations were frequent: I was sensible of a continual
oppression, and my weakness became at length so great, that I could
scarcely move or step without danger of suffocation, stoop without
vertigoes, or lift even the smallest weight, which reduced me to the most
tormenting inaction for a man so naturally stirring as myself. It is
certain my disorder was in a great measure hypochondriacal. The vapors
is a malady common to people in fortunate situations: the tears I
frequently shed, without reason; the lively alarms I felt on the falling
of a leaf, or the fluttering of a bird; inequality of humor in the calm
of a most pleasing life; lassitude which made me weary even of happiness,
and carried sensibility to extravagance, were an instance of this. We
are so little formed for felicity, that when the soul and body do not
suffer together, they must necessarily endure separate inconveniences,
the good state of the one being almost always injurious to the happiness
of the other. Had all the pleasure of life courted me, my weakened frame
would not have permitted the enjoyment of them, without my being able to
particularize the real seat of my complaint; yet in the decline of life;
after having encountered very serious and real evils, my body seemed to
regain its strength, as if on purpose to encounter additional
misfortunes; and, at the moment I write this, though infirm, near sixty,
and overwhelmed with every kind of sorrow, I feel more ability to suffer
than I ever possessed for enjoyment when in the very flower of my age,
and in the bosom of real happiness.

To complete me, I had mingled a little physiology among my other
readings: I set about studying anatomy, and considering the multitude,
movement, and wonderful construction of the various parts that composed
the human machine; my apprehensions were instantly increased, I expected