known my affection! What necessity was there to seek this situation, and
expose myself to misfortunes, affronts and remorse, for the sake of
pleasures whose greatest charm was already exhausted? For I was sensible
this attachment had lost its first vivacity. With these thoughts were
mingled reflections relative to my situation and duty to that good and
generous friend, who already loaded with debts, would become more so from
the foolish expenses I was running into, and whom I was deceiving so
unworthily. This reproach at length became so keen that it triumphed
over every temptation, and on approaching the bridge of St. Esprit I
formed the resolution to burn my whole magazine of letters from
Saint-Andiol, and continue my journey right forward to Chambery.

I executed this resolution courageously, with some sighs I confess, but
with the heart-felt satisfaction, which I enjoyed for the first time in
my life, of saying, "I merit my own esteem, and know how to prefer duty
to pleasure." This was the first real obligation I owed my books, since
these had taught me to reflect and compare. After the virtuous
principles I had so lately adopted, after all the rules of wisdom and
honor I had proposed to myself, and felt so proud to follow, the shame of
possessing so little stability, and contradicting so egregiously my own
maxims, triumphed over the allurements of pleasure. Perhaps, after all,
pride had as much share in my resolution as virtue; but if this pride is
not virtue itself, its effects are so similar that we are pardonable in
deceiving ourselves.

One advantage resulting from good actions is that they elevate the soul
to a disposition of attempting still better; for such is human weakness,
that we must place among our good deeds an abstinence from those crimes
we are tempted to commit. No sooner was my resolution confirmed than I
became another man, or rather, I became what I was before I had erred,