them; I went in the morning to pay my court to Madam la Marechale; after
dinner I walked with the marechal; but did not sup at the castle on
account of the numerous guests, and because they supped too late for me.
Thus far everything was as it should be, and no harm would have been done
could I have remained at this point. But I have never known how to
preserve a medium in my attachments, and simply fulfil the duties of
society. I have ever been everything or nothing. I was soon everything;
and receiving the most polite attention from persons of the highest rank,
I passed the proper bounds, and conceived for them a friendship not
permitted except among equals. Of these I had all the familiarity in my
manners, whilst they still preserved in theirs the same politeness to
which they had accustomed me. Yet I was never quite at my ease with
Madam de Luxembourg. Although I was not quite relieved from my fears
relative to her character, I apprehended less danger from it than from
her wit. It was by this especially that she impressed me with awe.
I knew she was difficult as to conversation, and she had a right to be
so. I knew women, especially those of her rank, would absolutely be
amused, that it was better to offend than to weary them, and I judged by
her commentaries upon what the people who went away had said what she
must think of my blunders. I thought of an expedient to spare me with
her the embarrassment of speaking; this was reading. She had heard of my
Eloisa, and knew it was in the press; she expressed a desire to see the
work; I offered to read it to her, and she accepted my offer. I went to
her every morning at ten o'clock; M. de Luxembourg was present, and the
door was shut. I read by the side of her bed, and so well proportioned
my readings that there would have been sufficient for the whole time she
had to stay, had they even not been interrupted.

[The loss of a great battle, which much afflicted the King,
obliged M. de Luxembourg precipitately to return to court.]