Luxembourg, except when I could not avoid it; but she frequently made him
the subject of conversation, without telling me what she thought of the
man, or letting me discover whether or not he was of her acquaintance.
Reserve with people I love and who are open with me being contrary to my
nature, especially in things relating to themselves, I have since that
time frequently thought of that of Madam de Luxembourg; but never, except
when other events rendered the recollection natural.

Having waited a long time without hearing speak of Emilius, after I had
given it to Madam de Luxembourg, I at last heard the agreement was made
at Paris, with the bookseller Duchesne, and by him with Neaulme, of
Amsterdam. Madam de Luxembourg sent me the original and the duplicate of
my agreement with Duchesne, that I might sign them. I discovered the
writing to be by the same hand as that of the letters of M. de
Malesherbes, which he himself did not write. The certainty that my
agreement was made by the consent, and under the eye of that magistrate,
made me sign without hesitation. Duchesne gave me for the manuscript six
thousand livres(two hundred and fifty pounds), half in specie, and one or
two hundred copies. After having signed the two parts, I sent them both
to Madam de Luxembourg, according to her desire; she gave one to
Duchesne, and instead of returning the other kept it herself, so that I
never saw it afterwards.

My acquaintance with M. and Madam de Luxembourg, though it diverted me a
little from my plan of retirement, did not make me entirely renounce it.
Even at the time I was most in favor with Madam de Luxembourg, I always
felt that nothing but my sincere attachment to the marechal and herself
could render to me supportable the people with whom they were connected,
and all the difficulty I had was in conciliating this attachment with a
manner of life more agreeable to my inclination, and less contrary to my