perpetual drawings upon the treasury by the administration, which was
then divided between two or three ministers, amongst whom reigned nothing
but discord, and who, to counteract the operations of each other, let the
kingdom go to ruin; the discontent of the people, and of every other rank
of subjects; the obstinacy of a woman who, constantly sacrificing her
judgment, if she indeed possessed any, to her inclinations, kept from
public employment persons capable of discharging the duties of them, to
place in them such as pleased her best; everything occurred in justifying
the foresight of the counsellor, that of the public, and my own. This,
made me several times consider whether or not I myself should seek an
asylum out of the kingdom before it was torn by the dissensions by which
it seemed to be threatened; but relieved from my fears by my
insignificance, and the peacefulness of my disposition, I thought that in
the state of solitude in which I was determined to live, no public
commotion could reach me. I was sorry only that, in this state of
things, M. de Luxembourg should accept commissions which tended to injure
him in the opinion of the persons of the place of which he was governor.
I could have wished he had prepared himself a retreat there, in case the
great machine had fallen in pieces, which seemed much to be apprehended;
and still appears to me beyond a doubt, that if the reins of government
had not fallen into a single hand, the French monarchy would now be at
the last gasp.

Whilst my situation became worse the printing of 'Emilius' went on more
slowly, and was at length suspended without my being able to learn the
reason why; Guy did not deign to answer my letter of inquiry, and I could
obtain no information from any person of what was going forward. M. de
Malesherbes being then in the country. A misfortune never makes me
uneasy provided I know in what it consists; but it is my nature to be
afraid of darkness, I tremble at the appearance of it; mystery always