occasion a speedy end to my existence. I never was so much afraid of
death as at this time, and had I died with the apprehensions I then had
upon my mind, I should have died in despair. At present, although I
perceived no obstacle to the execution of the blackest and most dreadful
conspiracy ever formed against the memory of a man, I shall die much more
in peace, certain of leaving in my writings a testimony in my favor, and
one which, sooner or later, will triumph over the calumnies of mankind.

M. de Malesherbes, who discovered the agitation of my mind, and to whom I
acknowledged it, used such endeavors to restore me to tranquility as
proved his excessive goodness of heart. Madam de Luxembourg aided him in
his good work, and several times went to Duchesne to know in what state
the edition was. At length the impression was again begun, and the
progress of it became more rapid than ever, without my knowing for what
reason it had been suspended. M. de Malesherbes took the trouble to come
to Montmorency to calm my mind; in this he succeeded, and the full
confidence I had in his uprightness having overcome the derangement of my
poor head, gave efficacy to the endeavors he made to restore it. After
what he had seen of my anguish and delirium, it was natural he should
think I was to be pitied; and he really commiserated my situation. The
expressions, incessantly repeated, of the philosophical cabal by which he
was surrounded, occurred to his memory. When I went to live at the
Hermitage, they, as I have already remarked, said I should not remain
there long. When they saw I persevered, they charged me with obstinacy
and pride, proceeding from a want of courage to retract, and insisted
that my life was there a burden to me; in short, that I was very
wretched. M. de Malesherbes believed this really to be the case, and
wrote to me upon the subject. This error in a man for whom I had so much
esteem gave me some pain, and I wrote to him four letters successively,
in which I stated the real motives of my conduct, and made him fully