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Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, the — Volume 12 by Jean-Jacques Rousseau
page 21 of 86 (24%)
to any particular explanation of the point of doctrine. After taking
these steps I made myself easy, not doubting but M. de Montmollin would
refuse to admit me without the preliminary discussion to which I refused
to consent, and that in this manner everything would be at an end without
any fault of mine. I was deceived: when I least expected anything of the
kind, M. de Montmollin came to declare to me not only that he admitted me
to the communion under the condition which I had proposed, but that he
and the elders thought themselves much honored by my being one of their
flock. I never in my whole life felt greater surprise or received from
it more consolation. Living always alone and unconnected, appeared to me
a melancholy destiny, especially in adversity. In the midst of so many
proscriptions and persecutions, I found it extremely agreeable to be able
to say to myself: I am at least amongst my brethren; and I went to the
communion with an emotion of heart, and my eyes suffused with tears of
tenderness, which perhaps were the most agreeable preparation to Him to
whose table I was drawing near.

Sometime afterwards his lordship sent me a letter from Madam de
Boufflers, which he had received, at least I presumed so, by means of
D'Alembert, who was acquainted with the marechal. In this letter, the
first this lady had written to me after my departure from Montmorency,
she rebuked me severely for having written to M. de Montmollin, and
especially for having communicated. I the less understood what she meant
by her reproof, as after my journey to Geneva, I had constantly declared
myself a Protestant, and had gone publicly to the Hotel de Hollande
without incurring the least censure from anybody. It appeared to me
diverting enough, that Madam de Boufflers should wish to direct my
conscience in matters of religion. However, as I had no doubt of the
purity of her intention, I was not offended by this singular sally, and I
answered her without anger, stating to her my reasons.
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