be surmised than was actually spoken. We no longer endeavored to fathom
each other's minds; there was not the same interest attaching to each
word, to each sentiment; that curious analysis that characterized our
past intercourse; she treated me with kindness, but I distrusted even
that kindness; I walked with her in the garden, but no longer accompanied
her outside of the premises; we no longer wandered through the woods and
valleys; she opened the piano when we were alone; the sound of her voice
no longer awakened in my heart those transports of joy which are like
sobs that are inspired by hope. When I took leave of her, she gave me
her hand, but I was conscious of the fact that it was lifeless; there was
much effort in our familiar ease, many reflections in our lightest
remarks, much sadness at the bottom of it all. We felt that there was a
third party between us: it was my love for her. My actions never
betrayed it, but it appeared in my face. I lost my cheerfulness, my
energy, and the color of health that once shone in my cheeks. At the end
of one month I no longer resembled my old self. And yet in all our
conversations I insisted on my disgust with the world, on my aversion to
returning to it. I tried to make Madame Pierson feel that she had no
reason to reproach herself for allowing me to see her; I depicted my past
life in the most sombre colors, and gave her to understand that if she
should refuse to allow me to see her, she would condemn me to a
loneliness worse than death. I told her that I held society in
abhorrence and the story of my life, as I recited it, proved my
sincerity. So I affected a cheerfulness that I was far from feeling,
in order to show her that in permitting me to see her, she had saved me
from the most frightful misfortune; I thanked her almost every time I
went to see her, that I might return in the evening or the following
morning. "All my dreams of happiness," said I, "all my hopes, all my
ambitions, are enclosed in the little corner of the earth where you
dwell; outside of the air that you breathe there is no life for me."