not deliver it to Sir Abraham Shipman, sent from the King, nor to my Lord
of Marlborough; which the King takes highly ill, and I fear our Queen will
fare the worse for it. The Dutch decay there exceedingly, it being
believed that their people will revolt from them there, and they forced to
give over their trade. This is talked of among us, but how true I
understand not. Sir Thomas showed me his picture and Sir Anthony
Vandike's, in crayon in little, done exceedingly well. Having thus freely
talked with him, and of many more things, I took leave, and by coach to
St. James's, and there told Mr. Coventry what I had done with my Lord with
great satisfaction, and so well pleased home, where I found it almost
night, and my wife and the dancing-master alone above, not dancing but
talking. Now so deadly full of jealousy I am that my heart and head did
so cast about and fret that I could not do any business possibly, but went
out to my office, and anon late home again and ready to chide at every
thing, and then suddenly to bed and could hardly sleep, yet durst not say
any thing, but was forced to say that I had bad news from the Duke
concerning Tom Hater as an excuse to my wife, who by my folly has too much
opportunity given her with the man, who is a pretty neat black
man, but married. But it is a deadly folly and plague that I bring upon
myself to be so jealous and by giving myself such an occasion more than my
wife desired of giving her another month's dancing. Which however shall
be ended as soon as I can possibly. But I am ashamed to think what a
course I did take by lying to see whether my wife did wear drawers to-day
as she used to do, and other things to raise my suspicion of her, but I
found no true cause of doing it.

16th. Up with my mind disturbed and with my last night's doubts upon me,
for which I deserve to be beaten if not really served as I am fearful of
being, especially since God knows that I do not find honesty enough in my
own mind but that upon a small temptation I could be false to her, and