There has been much rather fruitless discussion respecting the reason or
reasons why Swift did not marry Stella; for if there was any marriage, it was
nothing more than a form. Some have supposed that Swift resolved to remain
unmarried because the insanity of an uncle and the fits and giddiness to which
he was always subject led him to fear insanity in his own case. Others,
looking rather to physical causes, have dwelt upon his coldness of temperament
and indisposition to love; upon the repugnance he often showed towards
marriage, and the tone of some of the verses on the subject written in his
later years. Others, again, have found a cause in his parsimonious habits, in
his dread of poverty, the effects of which he had himself felt, and in the
smallness of his income, at least until he was middle-aged.[12] It may well
be that one or all of these things influenced Swift's action. We cannot say
more. He himself, as we have seen, said, as early as 1704, that if his humour
and means had permitted him to think of marriage, his choice would have been
Stella. Perhaps, however, there is not much mystery in the matter. Swift
seems to have been wanting in passion; probably he was satisfied with the
affection which Stella gave him, and did not wish for more. Such an
attachment as his usually results in marriage, but not necessarily. It is not
sufficiently remembered that the affection began in Stella's childhood. They
were "perfect friends" for nearly forty years, and her advancing years in no
way lessened his love, which was independent of beauty. Whether Stella was
satisfied, who shall say? Mrs. Oliphant thought that few women would be
disposed to pity Stella, or think her life one of blight or injury. Mr.
Leslie Stephen says, "She might and probably did regard his friendship as a
full equivalent for the sacrifice. . . . Is it better to be the most intimate
friend of a man of genius or the wife of a commonplace Tisdall?" Whatever we
may surmise, there is nothing to prove that she was disappointed. She was the
one star which brightened Swift's storm-tossed course; it is well that she was
spared seeing the wreck at the end.