violent means. In the way of pure business this has become
impossible by the Leipzig performance, which, if my wish and my
conditions had been observed, would not have taken place; it must
be simply a work of friendship. To no one but you can I explain
myself accurately, because you are the only one who can
understand at its true estimate, and without a shake of the head,
my position, such as it has been brought about by my moods,
inclinations, whims, and wants. How can I expect a Philistine to
comprehend the transcendent part of my nature, which in the
conditions of my life impelled me to satisfy an immense inner
desire by such external means as must to him appear dangerous,
and certainly unsympathetic? No one knows the needs of people
like us; I am my self frequently surprised at considering so many
"useless" things indispensable. To YOU alone can I explain how
painfully I am placed, and how necessary immediate help is to me.
This is the first and most indispensable thing to preserve me for
my whole future. Owing to my extreme sensitiveness in this
matter, I shall otherwise be compelled--because for such a
frivolous reason I do not want to take my own life--to start at
once and fly to America.

I am in a pitiful condition, and I know that to such a friend as
you pity comes from love. Give me up if you can; that will settle
all. With my terrible care my violent nervous disorder has also
returned. During my work I frequently felt quite well; the
thunder-clouds seemed to have cleared away. I often felt
beautifully elevated, gently supported; generally I was silent,
but it was from inner joy; even hope wound itself softly round my
heart; the children of fable came to the weeping elf, saying,
"Weep not; thou too mayst still be happy." But the word resounded