F. L.

July 28th, 1854.



165.

DEAREST FRANZ,

Did you really think for a moment that I had conceived the idea
of giving concerts in order to make propaganda for myself, or to
make music, or what not? Did you not see at once that this plan
was purely the result of despair at my miserable pecuniary
situation, and that the only question that required an answer was
whether or not I could make money by it, money in return for an
unheard-of sacrifice, an act of self-abnegation, which probably I
should not have been able to go through with after all? How badly
I must have expressed myself! Excuse me for having given rise to
such a misunderstanding, and be thanked all the more for the
trouble you took nevertheless.

My dear, worthy friend, how proud and happy was I not three years
ago, before I had done anything out of keeping with the full
consciousness of my antagonistic position towards our artistic
publicity. When at that time you, with your friendly anxiety,
were intent upon getting "public recognition" for me and a wider
field for my works, I used to smile and guard myself against
every temptation. But the demon took hold of me; in my terribly
bare life, my inclination began to grow again towards some of the