circumstances that I can scarcely sink much lower. ONCE AGAIN I
say, How proud and free was I when I reserved these works to YOU
for Weimar; now I am a slave and absolutely powerless. One
inconsistency involves another, and I can dull my unpleasant
feeling only by being still more proud and contemptuous, in the
sense that I look upon "Tannhauser" and "Lohengrin" as altogether
done with and no longer belonging to me, and that I keep my NEW
CREATIONS all the more sacred for myself and my true friends.
This is my only comfort. What I am creating at present shall
never see the light except in perfectly congenial surroundings;
on this I will in future concentrate all my strength, my pride,
and my RESIGNATION. If I die before having produced these works,
I shall leave them to you; and if you die without having been
able to produce them in a dignified manner, you must burn them:
let that be SETTLED.

Klindworth has probably not yet had time to write to you about my
first appearance, but he is going to do so.

After the first rehearsal the directors of the "Philharmonic"
were so delighted and full of hope that they insisted upon my
performing some of my compositions at the very next concert. I
had to yield, and chose the pieces from "Lohengrin." As for that
purpose they granted me two rehearsals, I also fixed upon the
"Ninth Symphony", at which I am pleased, for I should not have
given it with one rehearsal. The orchestra, which has taken a
great liking to me, is very efficient, and possesses great skill
and fairly quick intelligence, but it is quite spoilt as regards
expression; there is no PIANO, no NUANCE. It was astonished and
delighted at my way of doing things. With two further rehearsals