reconnoitering, and spying our strength, but did not expose
themselves fully to view. Simultaneously columns of signal smoke
arose in all directions round about. Instantly our lines closed in
the front and rear and we came to an abrupt halt. What I saw then
made my heart sink, for the drivers seemed to be paralyzed with
terror. The very men who had heretofore found a great delight in
trying to frighten me with tales of Indian atrocities were now
themselves scared out of their wits. Young and inexperienced though I
was, I realized that to be now attacked by Indians meant to be
slaughtered and scalped. Some of the men were actually crying from
fright, seeming to be completely demoralized. I noticed how one of
our men in loading his musket rammed home a slug of lead, forgetting
his charge of powder entirely. The sight of this disgusted me so that
I became furious, and in the measure that my anger rose my fear
subsided and vanished. I railed at the poor fellow and abused and
cursed him shamefully, threatening to kill him for being a coward and
a fool. I made him draw the bullet and reload his musket in a proper
manner.

When I grew older I acquired the faculty to curb the instinctive
feeling of fear which is inborn in all creatures and undoubtedly is a
wise provision of nature, necessary to the continuance of life and
conducive to self-preservation. Knowing that all men who ever lived
and all who now live must surely die, I failed to see anything
particularly fearful in death. I may truthfully say that I have
several times met death face to face squarely and feared not. On
these occasions I tried not to escape what seemed to be my final
doom, but in the dim consciousness of mind that I should be dead long
enough anyway, I tried to delay my departure to a better life as long
as possible, exerting myself exceedingly to accomplish this purpose.