know what's goin' on in th' wurruld. Ivry Sundah I pick up me
pa-aper an' hurry through th' articles on what's a suitable Christmas
gift f'r th' hired girl who'll pizen th' soup if she gets three
yards iv calico, be Winnyfield Scott Schley, an' what ought to be
done f'r th' Chinee, be Cap. Mahan, an' get down to what Gin'ral
Miles thinks. 'Tis always good an' full iv meaty advice. 'Is
Mars inhabited?' 'Th' future iv th' Columbya river salmon,' 'Is
white lead good f'r th' complexion?' 'What wud I do if I had a
millyion dollars an' it was so,' 'England's supreemacy in Cochin
China,' 'Pink gaiters as a necissity iv warfare,' 'Is th' Impire
shouldhers goin' out?' 'Waist measurements iv warriors I have met,'
an' so on. Gin'ral Miles is th' on'y in-an'-out, up an' down,
catch-as-catch-can, white, red or black, with or without, journylist
we have left. On anny subject fr'm stove polish to sun worship,
I'd take th' wurrud iv me frind Gin'ral Miles befure th' man that
made th' goods.

"'Twas that got him into throuble. Wan day afther inspictin' th'
army, Gin'ral Miles give a chat to wan iv his fav'rite journals on
what he thought about th' navy, him bein' a great authority on
navy affairs befure steam come in. I don't know what th' divvle
he said an' I don't care, f'r me mind was made up long ago, an'
ivrybody that don't agree with me is little betther thin a thraitor
or a cow'rd. But annyhow he give his opinyion, an' afther givin'
it he took his bonnet out, had a goold beater in to fix up th'
epylets, got th' ilicthric lights goin' in th' buttons, found th'
right pair iv blue an' pink pants, pulled on th' shoes with th'
silver bells, harnessed to his manly hips th' soord with the
forget-me-nots on th' handle an' pranced over to th' White House.
As he wint up th' hall, he noticed an atmosphere iv what Hogan