frind or an inimy, which is th' same thing to th' Germans. He
carries a sample case undher wan arm an' a gun undher th' other,
an' if ye don't like Rhine wine perhaps ye'll take lead. On
second considherations he won't shoot ye but he'll sell ye th'
Krupp. They'se more where it come fr'm.

"I tell ye, Hinnissy, this Impror or Kaiser iv Germany is a smart
man. I used to think 'twas not so. I thought he had things unaisy
in his wheel-house. I mind whin he got th' job, ivrywan says:
'Look out f'r war. This wild man will he in that office f'r a
year whin he'll just about declare fight with th' wurruld.' An'
ivrybody framed up f'r him. But look ye what happened. 'Tis
twinty years since he was swore in an' ne'er a fight has he had.
Ivrybody else has been in throuble. A screw-maker iv a sindintary
life has ploonged England into a war; me frinds th' Greeks that
were considhered about akel to a flush iv anger over a raid on a
push cart has mixed it up with th' Turks; th' Japs has been at
war, an' th' Dagoes; our own peace-lovin' nation has been runnin'
wan short an' wan serryal war, an' aven th' Chinese has got their
dandher up, be hivins, but Willum, th' Middleweight Champeen,
Willum th' Potsdam Game Chicken, Willum, th' Unterdenlinden Cyclone,
Willum has been ladin' th' ca'm an' prosperous life iv a delicatessen
dealer undher a turner hall. He's had no fights. He niver will
have anny fights. He'll go to his grave with th' repytation iv
nayether winnin' nor losin' a battle, but iv takin' down more
forfeits thin anny impror pugilist iv our time.

"What do I think iv him? Well, sir, I think he's not a fighter but
a fight lover. Did ye iver see wan iv thim young men that always
has a front seat at a scrap so near th' ring that whin th' second