Delicatessen Sangerbund holdin' us while they sung th' Watch on
th' Rhine, we stepped ashore on a gangplank neatly formed be th'
guv'nor iv th' state holdin' onto th' feet iv th' mayor, him
clutchin' th' iditor iv th' Staats Zeitung an' so on, th' gangplank
singin' th' Watch on th' Rhine as we walked to th' dock.

"'I am much imprissed be New York. I hate it. Th' buildin's are
very high here but th' language is higher. If I was to go home
now, ye wudden't know me. Afther I hear a speech I don't dare to
look in th' glass f'r fear I might be guilty iv treason to ye,
mein lieber. Our illustrious ancesthor, Fridrick th' Great, was
a cheap an' common man compared to me, an' ye, august brother,
niver got by th' barrier. I hope I'll have time to cool down
befure I get home or ye'll have to lock me up.

"'They're givin' me th' fine line iv entertainmint. Ivrywhere I
go, they'se music or something that does as well. I have a musical
insthrument called a catastrophone in me room that plays th' Watch
on th' Rhine whin I go in at night an' get up in th' mornin'.
Whin I go out on th' sthreet, th' crowd cries "Hock th' Kaiser."
I wish they'd stop hockin' ye, dear brother, an' hock th' Watch
on th' Rhine. (This here is an American joke. I'm gettin' on
fast.) I'm goin' to be took to th' opry some night this week.
They've fired a lot iv la-ads out iv their boxes to make room f'r
me. Wan iv thim objected, but he was fired annyhow. Aftherward
I'm goin' to ate dinner with th' iditors iv th' counthry. Won't
that be nice? I suppose I'm th' first Hohnezollern that iver took
dinner with an iditor, though our fam'ly has often given thim food
an' lodgin'--in jail. I wish ye was here to go with me. Ye've
had more journylistic expeeryence an' manny iv th' things ye've