In a New Bottle




THE LION'S SHARE

I


In the Five Towns the following history is related by those who
know it as something side-splittingly funny--as one of the best
jokes that ever occurred in a district devoted to jokes. And I,
too, have hitherto regarded it as such. But upon my soul, now that
I come to write it down, it strikes me as being, after all, a
pretty grim tragedy. However, you shall judge, and laugh or cry as
you please.

It began in the little house of Mrs Carpole, up at Bleakridge, on
the hill between Bursley and Hanbridge. Mrs Carpole was the second
Mrs Carpole, and her husband was dead. She had a stepson, Horace,
and a son of her own, Sidney. Horace is the hero, or the villain,
of the history. On the day when the unfortunate affair began he
was nineteen years old, and a model youth. Not only was he getting
on in business, not only did he give half his evenings to the
study of the chemistry of pottery and the other half to various
secretaryships in connection with the Wesleyan Methodist Chapel
and Sunday-school, not only did he save money, not only was he a
comfort to his stepmother and a sort of uncle to Sidney, not only
was he an early riser, a total abstainer, a non-smoker, and a good