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A Tale of a Tub by Jonathan Swift
page 11 of 157 (07%)
found! Who has mislaid them? Are they sunk in the abyss of things?
It is certain that in their own nature they were light enough to
swim upon the surface for all eternity; therefore, the fault is in
him who tied weights so heavy to their heels as to depress them to
the centre. Is their very essence destroyed? Who has annihilated
them? Were they drowned by purges or martyred by pipes? Who
administered them to the posteriors of -------. But that it may no
longer be a doubt with your Highness who is to be the author of this
universal ruin, I beseech you to observe that large and terrible
scythe which your governor affects to bear continually about him.
Be pleased to remark the length and strength, the sharpness and
hardness, of his nails and teeth; consider his baneful, abominable
breath, enemy to life and matter, infectious and corrupting, and
then reflect whether it be possible for any mortal ink and paper of
this generation to make a suitable resistance. Oh, that your
Highness would one day resolve to disarm this usurping maitre de
palais of his furious engines, and bring your empire hors du page.

It were endless to recount the several methods of tyranny and
destruction which your governor is pleased to practise upon this
occasion. His inveterate malice is such to the writings of our age,
that, of several thousands produced yearly from this renowned city,
before the next revolution of the sun there is not one to be heard
of. Unhappy infants! many of them barbarously destroyed before they
have so much as learnt their mother-tongue to beg for pity. Some he
stifles in their cradles, others he frights into convulsions,
whereof they suddenly die, some he flays alive, others he tears limb
from limb, great numbers are offered to Moloch, and the rest,
tainted by his breath, die of a languishing consumption.

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