unquiet spirits till the perfecting of that great work, into the
secret of which it is reasonable the courteous reader should have
some little light.

It is intended that a large Academy be erected, capable of
containing nine thousand seven hundred forty and three persons,
which, by modest computation, is reckoned to be pretty near the
current number of wits in this island {50}. These are to be
disposed into the several schools of this Academy, and there pursue
those studies to which their genius most inclines them. The
undertaker himself will publish his proposals with all convenient
speed, to which I shall refer the curious reader for a more
particular account, mentioning at present only a few of the
principal schools. There is, first, a large pederastic school, with
French and Italian masters; there is also the spelling school, a
very spacious building; the school of looking-glasses; the school of
swearing; the school of critics; the school of salivation; the
school of hobby-horses; the school of poetry; the school of tops;
the school of spleen; the school of gaming; with many others too
tedious to recount. No person to be admitted member into any of
these schools without an attestation under two sufficient persons'
hands certifying him to be a wit.

But to return. I am sufficiently instructed in the principal duty
of a preface if my genius, were capable of arriving at it. Thrice
have I forced my imagination to take the tour of my invention, and
thrice it has returned empty, the latter having been wholly drained
by the following treatise. Not so my more successful brethren the
moderns, who will by no means let slip a preface or dedication
without some notable distinguishing stroke to surprise the reader at