perusal of it, which showed in itself that I wanted it, for it is
quite true that I require to be reminded of the only true principle
upon which one ought to work; and I allow quite willingly that I
trace interested motives--e.g., love of self-approval or applause in
actions where such feelings ought least of all to enter. I certainly
did feel pleased with myself for speaking plainly to those people,
and I often find myself indulging the notion that I am going to be a
very hard-working clergyman, with a remedy for all the evils of the
age, &c. If I was to hunt about for an excuse, I might perhaps find
one, by saying that I am in that state of mind which attends always,
I suppose, the anticipation of any great crisis in a person's life;
sometimes hard work and hard thought, sometimes (though alas! very
seldom) a real sense of the very awful responsibility of ministering
in the Church, sometimes a less natural urging of the mind to
contemplate and realise this responsibility. I was for some time
reading Wilberforce's new book, and this involved an examination of
the question in other writers; but lately I have laid all
controversial works aside almost entirely, and have been reading
Pearson, Bull, and the Apostolical Fathers, Clement and Ignatius. I
shall probably read Justin Martyr's Apologies, and some treatises of
Tertullian before next month is over. I have read some part already.
There is such a very strong practical element in these very early
writings that they ought to soothe and calm the mind; but I cannot
honestly conceal the fact that the theological interest for the most
part outweighs the practical teaching.

'My light reading is of a new and very amusing and interesting
character--viz., books on school economy, management of school farms,
allotments, the modern dairy, spade husbandry, agricultural
chemistry. K, W, F, C, and G, and I have great talks; and as they