giving his guest a cordial welcome, bid him hasten into the parlor,
where the hostess, who had long held him in great esteem, was
rubbing her palms to see him. Impatient to pay his respects to so
good a lady, he trudged up the hall, and turning to the right,
entered the parlor, in which were seated some seven females, to the
great delight of numerous bystanders, whom the major congratulated
himself were laughing for joy at his return. He had scarcely
disappeared, however, when a loud shriek was heard, and one after
another the females came scampering out of the room, so sorry a
figure did he cut. "Zounds, me," exclaimed the major, "what can have
come over the witches?" and he followed them into the hall,
surprised and astonished, while the compact little figure of mine
host was seen almost splitting his sides with laughter. Indeed, I
venture to say without fear of contradiction, that never did
military hero cut so extravagant a figure before females; and as he
had that scrupulous regard for their good opinion, so common with
his brethren in arms, so was he only saved from swooning by the aid
of a little whiskey and water. This, however, was not applied until
the cause of the alarm was discovered. "Upon my life, Colonel," said
the major, as the host aided him in securing his garments with a few
pins, "I never was known to offer a discourtesy to ladies through
the whole course of my eventful life. No, I wouldn't, by my military
reputation, I wouldn't have had such a thing occur to me, especially
as my friend here is the most distinguished politician in this part
of the country." I could not restrain a blush at this naive remark,
and begging that he would reserve his compliments for one more
worthy of them, he continued by pleading with the host, and
enjoining him to say to the ladies, that never in his life had he
met with so serious an accident, and as it was woman's nature to be
gentle and forgiving, he hoped they would forgive him this once,