and washboards would be closed for ever.

Having refreshed ourselves with the crackers and cheese and cider,
the Major very pleasantly commenced recounting a little affair of
honor he had been called upon to adjust but a few minutes before,
and as he was proud of his skill as a diplomatist, the recital
afforded him an infinite amount of pleasure.

"Parsons and doctors," said he, taking a copious cup of cider, "no
doubt imagine themselves (and they have an undisputed right so to
do) to be the very embodiment of natural benevolence and inviolable
fidelity. But there are things of an opposite nature, to which their
hearts and inclinations are as susceptible as those of the tenderest
virgins. I was pursuing my journey this morning, when 'old Battle,'
my horse, who has smelled powder enough to make his nerves more
steady, pricked up his ears at something he saw in the bushes by the
roadside. Reining him up, I dismounted, and to my great surprise
discovered two well-dressed men fast asleep, locked in each other's
arms. 'Faith of my father!' says I, 'who's here?' A slightly
guttural sound was followed by a hoarse voice answering, 'It's only
me.' And then a lean figure, with two well-blacked eyes, and a face
otherwise disfigured, disconnected itself from its fellow, rose to
its haunches, and stared at me with wild dismay. A white neckcloth,
somewhat besmeared with blood, denoted his profession. On coming to
his senses he aroused his companion, and commenced charging him with
being the cause of the sad plight he was in. Neither seemed to have
a very distinct recollection of the event that had founed them in a
condition so disgraceful to them as respectable citizens; and the
other protested his innocence of any misdemeanor, but was equally at
a loss how to account for the disfigured face of his companion, and