life. My neglect of school reached such a point that it could not
but lead to a rupture. Whilst my dear mother had no presentiment
of this, I awaited the catastrophe with longing rather than with
fear.

In order to meet this crisis with dignity I at length decided to
surprise my family by disclosing to them the secret of my
tragedy, which was now completed. They were to be informed of
this great event by my uncle. I thought I could rely upon his
hearty recognition of my vocation as a great poet on account of
the deep harmony between us on all other questions of life,
science, and art. I therefore sent him my voluminous manuscript,
with a long letter which I thought would please him immensely. In
this I communicated to him first my ideas with regard to the St.
Nicholas's School, and then my firm determination from that time
forward not to allow any mere school pedantry to check my free
development. But the event turned out very different from what I
had expected. It was a great shock to them. My uncle, quite
conscious that he had been indiscreet, paid a visit to my mother
and brother-in-law, in order to report the misfortune that had
befallen the family, reproaching himself for the fact that his
influence over me had not always, perhaps, been for my good. To
me he wrote a serious letter of discouragement; and to this day I
cannot understand why he showed so small a sense of humour in
understanding my bad behaviour. To my surprise he merely said
that he reproached himself for having corrupted me by
conversations unsuited to my years, but he made no attempt to
explain to me good-naturedly the error of my ways.

The crime this boy of fifteen had committed was, as I said