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Mark Rutherford's Deliverance by Mark Rutherford
page 2 of 113 (01%)
bottom, was essentially the same matter. This was work which would
have been disagreeable enough, if I had not now ceased in a great
measure to demand what was agreeable. In years past I coveted a
life, not of mere sensual enjoyment--for that I never cared--but a
life which should be filled with activities of the noblest kind, and
it was intolerable to me to reflect that all my waking hours were in
the main passed in merest drudgery, and that only for a few moments
at the beginning or end of the day could it be said that the higher
sympathies were really operative. Existence to me was nothing but
these few moments, and consequently flitted like a shadow. I was
now, however, the better of what was half disease and half something
healthy and good. In the first place, I had discovered that my
appetite was far larger than my powers. Consumed by a longing for
continuous intercourse with the best, I had no ability whatever to
maintain it, and I had accepted as a fact, however mysterious it
might be, that the human mind is created with the impulses of a
seraph and the strength of a man. Furthermore, what was I that I
should demand exceptional treatment? Thousands of men and women
superior to myself, are condemned, if that is the proper word to use,
to almost total absence from themselves. The roar of the world for
them is never lulled to rest, nor can silence ever be secured in
which the voice of the Divine can be heard.

My letters were written twice a week, and as each contained a column
and a half, I had six columns weekly to manufacture. These I was in
the habit of writing in the morning, my evenings being spent at the
House. At first I was rather interested, but after a while the
occupation became tedious beyond measure, and for this reason. In a
discussion of any importance about fifty members perhaps would take
part, and had made up their minds beforehand to speak. There could
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