the way of harmonious surroundings. He loved her for her contradictions.

Thus he was utterly unable to see what the future held for him in the way
of continued communion with her, to evolve any satisfactory theory as to
why she remained in the city. She had told him that the gardens were an
excuse. She had come, by her own intimation, to reflect, to decide some
momentous question. Marriage? He found this too agitating to dwell
upon, summoning, as it did, conjectures of the men she might have known;
and it was perhaps natural, in view of her attitude, that he could only
think of such a decision on her part as surrender.

That he had caught and held her attention, although by no conscious
effort of his own, was clear to him. But had he not merely arrested her?
Would she not presently disappear, leaving only in his life the scarlet
thread which she had woven into it for all time? Would he not fail to
change, permanently, the texture of hers?

Such were his hopes and fears concerning her, and they were mingled
inextricably with other hopes and fears which had to do with the great
venture of his life. He dwelt in a realm of paradoxes, discovered that
exaltation was not incompatible with anxiety and dread. He had no
thought of wavering; he had achieved to an extent he would not have
believed possible the sense of consecration which brings with it
indifference to personal fortunes, and the revelation of the inner world,
and yet he shrank from the wounds he was about to receive--and give.
Outwardly controlled, he lived in the state of intense excitement of the
leader waiting for the time to charge.