and the bread, the sword and the talisman that protects us, in short
whatever we cannot dispense with while we live, we do not release from
our hands till death comes. She was not necessary, indispensable to him.
If she had obeyed his wish and left him, then--yes, then--"

Here the current of her thoughts was checked, for the first time she
asked herself the question: "Would he have really missed your helping
hand, your cheering word?"

She turned restlessly, and her heart throbbed anxiously, as she told
herself that she had done little to smooth his rugged pathway. The vague
feeling, that he had not been entirely to blame, if she had not found
perfect happiness by his side, alarmed her. Did not her former conduct
justify him in expecting hindrance rather than support and help in
impending days of severest peril?

Filled with deep longing to obtain a clear view of her own heart, she
raised herself on her pillows and reviewed her whole former life.

Her mother had been a Catholic in her youth, and had often told her how
free and light-hearted she had felt, when she confided everything that
can trouble a woman's heart to a silent third person, and received from
the lips of God's servant the assurance that she might now begin a new
life, secure of forgiveness. "It is harder for us now," her mother said
before her first communion, "for we of the Reformed religion are referred
to ourselves and our God, and must be wholly at peace with ourselves
before we approach the Lord's table. True, that is enough, for if we
frankly and honestly confess to the judge within our own breasts all that
troubles our consciences, whether in thought or deed, and sincerely
repent, we shall be sure of forgiveness for the sake of the Saviour's