Joe to sprint a hundred yards, I'll stand you that squiffer with the
gold keys."

MRS GILBEY. Does he call his tutor Holy Joe to his face [Gilbey
clutches at his hair in his impatience].

DORA. Well, what would he call him? After all, Holy Joe is Holy Joe;
and boys will be boys.

MRS GILBEY. Whats a squiffer?

DORA. Oh, of course: excuse my vulgarity: a concertina. Theres one
in a shop in Green Street, ivory inlaid, with gold keys and Russia
leather bellows; and Bobby knew I hankered after it; but he couldnt
afford it, poor lad, though I knew he just longed to give it to me.

GILBEY. Maria: if you keep interrupting with silly questions, I
shall go out of my senses. Heres the boy in gaol and me disgraced for
ever; and all you care to know is what a squiffer is.

DORA. Well, remember it has gold keys. The man wouldnt take a penny
less than 15 pounds for it. It was a presentation one.

GILBEY. [shouting at her] Wheres my son? Whats happened to my
son? Will you tell me that, and stop cackling about your squiffer?

DORA. Oh, aint we impatient! Well, it does you credit, old dear.
And you neednt fuss: theres no disgrace. Bobby behaved like a
perfect gentleman. Besides, it was all my fault. I'll own it: I
took too much champagne. I was not what you might call drunk; but I