to. I even was happy a little for a few moments to-night. I was
playing one of my piano-pieces, and I found myself imagining all
sorts of things. But this happens very seldom, and only lasts for a
moment. I often wonder at myself. Two months ago I did not love you
one particle; I love you now, so that--so that it is impossible for
me to do anything else. In fact I did not realize how much I loved
you until that terrible moment when I read you did not love me. I
saw how impossible it will be to cease to love you, no matter what
you do to me. I do not know _why_ it is; I simply know it is, and
perhaps some day I may teach _you_ how to love. I do not imagine you
know how very well, at present--no, Thyrsis, I don't.

I know your true self now, and I love it better than ever I loved
the other. I say it with a certain grimness. I know you, your real
self, and I love it.

Know, oh, my Beloved, that in the last three months you have grown
to me from a boy into a man, into my husband! When I think of you as
you were at first you seem a child compared to what you are now.

XXI

DEAREST LOVE:

Last night, as I went to sleep, I was thinking of you and our
problem, and there were all sorts of uncertainties; but one thing I
have to tell you, my Corydon--that it came to me how sweet and
true, and how pure and good you have been; and I loved you very,
very much indeed. I thought: I should like to tell her that, and ask
her always to be so noble and unselfish. Can you not realize how all