I have begun so many letters to you in my mind, and oh, the times I
have told myself how much I loved you! I have read your letters and
slept with them under my pillow, like the veriest love-lorn maiden.
But all my happy thoughts are gone at present. It is distracting to
me to have to come into such close contact with people.

Oh, tell me, dearest one, what I shall have to do to control myself
and preserve the peace of my soul, until I go to you forever? I must
not long to see you, it prevents me from studying. If you might only
come to me at one moment in the day, and give me one kiss, and then
go away! You see, I am conducting myself in a very unwise
manner--and it is necessary I should study! I should love to have an
indomitable capacity for work, and eat only two meals a day, and
never have to think about my body.

I want to tell you what I feel, how utterly and absolutely I am
yours, and how any image that comes between you and me enrages me.
If only you knew how I give myself up to you in thought, word, and
deed!--My one reason for acting now, is that I may show you
something I have done, my one thought is to be what you would wish
me. No one, no one understands, or ever will, what is in your heart
and in mine--to be locked there for ages. There I have placed all my
power of love and religion and hope of the life that is to be. To
you I give all my trust, all my worship, you are the one link that
binds me to myself and to God. Without you I feel now that I should
be a poor wanderer.

You give me my feeling of wholeness, of the possibility of
completion, that I never had before. In my best and truest moments I