seemed bold enough for any game, became dumb and embarrassed in her
presence, and eventually it was the officers and instructors who
escorted her over the grounds, while I and my acquaintances among the
cadets formed a straggling rear-guard at her heels. On account of my
grandfather, both she and my aunt were made much of by the Commandant
and all the older officers, and when they continued to visit the
Academy they were honored and welcomed for themselves, and I found
that on such occasions my own popularity was enormously increased. I
have always been susceptible to the opinion of others. Even when the
reigning belle or the popular man of the class was not to me
personally attractive, the fact that she was the reigning belle and
that he was the man of the hour made me seek out the society of each.
This was even so, when, as a matter of fact, I should have much
preferred to dance with some less conspicuous beauty or talk with a
more congenial companion. Consequently I began to value my cousin,
whom I already regarded with the most tremendous admiration, for those
lighter qualities which are common to all attractive girls, but which
in my awe of her I had failed to recognize. There were many times,
even, when I took myself by the shoulders and faced the question if I
were not in love with Beatrice. I mean truly in love, with that sort
of love that one does not talk about, even to one's self, certainly
not to the girl. As the young man of the family, I had assumed the
position of the heir of the house, and treated Beatrice like a younger
sister, but secretly I considered her in no such light.

Many nights when on post I would halt to think of her, and of her
loveliness and high sincerity, and forget my duty while I stood with
my arms crossed on the muzzle of my gun. In such moments the night,
the silence, the moonlight piercing the summer leaves and falling at
my feet, made me forget my promise to myself that I would never marry.