the fruits of Christianity? Are these the tokens of a blessed man?"

'At the apprehension of these things my sickness was doubled upon
me, for now was I sick in my inward man, my soul was clogged with
guilt; now also was my former experience of God's goodness to me
quite taken out of my mind, and hid as if it had never been, nor seen.
Now was my soul greatly pinched between these two considerations,
"Live I must not, die I dare not." Now I sunk and fell in my spirit,
and was giving up all for lost; but as I was walking up and down
in my house, as a man in a most woeful state, that word of God took
hold of my heart, Ye are "justified freely by his grace, through
the redemption that is in Jesus Christ" (Rom 3:24). But O! what a
turn it made upon me!

'Now was I as one awakened out of some troublesome sleep and dream;
and listening to this heavenly sentence, I was as if I had heard
it thus expounded to me:--"Sinner, thou thinkest, that because of
thy sins and infirmities, I cannot save thy soul; but behold my Son
is by me, and upon him I look, and not on thee, and will deal with
thee according as I am pleased with him." At this I was greatly
lightened in my mind, and made to understand, that God could
justify a sinner at any time; it was but his looking upon Christ,
and imputing of his benefits to us, and the work was forthwith
done.'[153]

'Now was I got on high, I saw myself within the arms of grace and
mercy; and though I was before afraid to think of a dying hour, yet
now I cried, Let me die. Now death was lovely and beautiful in my
sight, for I saw that we shall never live indeed, till we be gone
to the other world. I saw more in those words, "Heirs of God" (Rom