his bitterness of spirit was a direct answer to such prayers.
Breaking the heart was attended with anguish in proportion as it
had been hardened. During this time he was tender and sensitive
as to the least sin; 'now I durst not take a pin or a stick, my
conscience would smart at every touch.' 'O, how gingerly did I then
go in all I said or did!'[92] 'Still sin would as naturally bubble
out of my heart as water would bubble out of a fountain.' He felt
surprised when he saw professors much troubled at their losses, even
at the death of the dearest relative. His whole concern was for his
salvation. He imagined that he could bear these small afflictions
with patience; but 'a wounded spirit who can bear?'

In the midst of all these miseries, and at times regretting that he
had been endowed with an immortal spirit, liable to eternal ruin,
he was jealous of receiving comfort, lest it might be based upon
any false foundation. Still as his only hope he was constant in
his attendance upon the means of grace, and 'when comforting time
was come,' he heard one preach upon two words of a verse, which
conveyed strong consolation to his weary spirit; the words were, 'my
love' (Song 4:1). From these words the minister drew the following
conclusions:--1. That the church, and so every saved soul, is Christ's
love, even when loveless; 2. Christ's love is without a cause; 3.
They are Christ's love when hated of the world; 4. Christ's love
when under temptation and under desertion; 5. Christ's love from
first to last.[93] Now was his heart filled with comfort and hope.
'I could believe that my sins should be forgiven me'; and, in a
state of rapture, he thought that his trials were over, and that
the savour of it would go with him through life. Alas! his enjoyment
was but for a season--the preparation of his soul for future
usefulness was not yet finished. In a short time the words of our