This notion of independence and freedom has modified the relation
of children to their parents. Instead of children being required
to show respect and filial obedience, the obligation of mutual love and esteem
is cultivated. Parents would not think of ordering a girl or a boy
to do anything, however reasonable; in all matters they treat them
as their equals and friends; nor would a girl submit to an arbitrary order
from her mother, for she does not regard her as a superior,
but as her friend and companion. I find it is a common practice
among American girls to engage themselves in marriage
without consulting their parents. Once I had a serious talk on this subject
with a young couple who were betrothed. I asked them if they had the consent
of their parents. They both answered emphatically that it was not necessary,
and that it was their business and not their parents'.
I told them that although it was their business, they might have shown
some respect to their parents by consulting them before committing themselves
to this important transaction. They answered that they did not agree with me,
and as it concerned their own happiness alone, they had a perfect right
to decide the matter for themselves. This shows the extreme limit
to which the Americans carry their theory of independence. Unless I am
greatly mistaken, I fear this is a typical and not an isolated case.
I believe that in many cases, after they had made up their minds to marry,
the young people would inform their respective parents of their engagement,
but I question if they would subordinate their own wishes
to the will of their parents, or ask their consent to their engagement.

Now let us see how all this is managed in China. Here the parties
most interested have no voice in the matter. The parents,
through their friends, or sometimes through the professional match-makers,
arrange the marriage, but only after the most strict and diligent inquiries