Is it justified?

Why--I ask it with insistence--
Why--prepare to be appalled--
Why "$2.85 Long Distance"
That I never called?

When I call thee, "They don't answer"
Tells me Central. (Oh, the crime!)
Then thou sayest, thou Romancer,
"Been here all the time!"

Tyrant trim and telephonic,
Christmas offerings to thee?
Pardon if I seem laconic:
Not a single c.


V

TO THE BARBER


Prince of the parlour tonsorial,
Knight of the razor and shears,
Who have from time immemorial
Snipped it too short round the ears--

You with your long academical
Causes for "thinning on top,"