Fountain squirt.

This is my 1st attempt at writin a Tail & it is far from bein perfeck,
but if I have indoosed folks to see that in 9 cases out of 10 they can
either make Life as barren as the Dessert of Sarah, or as joyus as the
flower garding, my objeck will have bin accomplished, and more too.

ARTEMUS WARD.




MR. COLUMBUS CORIANDER'S GORILLA.


My article on the Origin of the Human Species had been months in
preparation. Much of the fame which I have since secured by its
publication in that widely circulated magazine, the _Interoceanic
Monthly_, is due to the fact that I spent weeks in deep investigations
in ethnological science, comparing results, and especially examining the
points of resemblance which exist in the brute creation and the nobler
race of man. To say that I utterly overthrew the Darwinian theory, and
quite demolished the tribe of pretenders who have since attempted to
imitate that great apostle of error, may not be strictly in accordance
with modesty, but hosts of candid friends will admit that it is strictly
true. I know very well that, though my untiring labors in the cause of
science are not yet thoroughly appreciated, an admiring posterity will
dwell with delight on the name of Samuel Simcox as the benefactor of his
race, who showed where that race had its birth and from what primitive
elements it sprang. For further particulars, see the _Interoceanic