Of language would call as deaf as bricks -
For her all human kind were dumb,
Her drum, indeed, was so muffled a drum,
That none could get a sound to come,
Unless the Devil, who had Two Sticks!
She was as deaf as a stone--say one of the stones
Demosthenes sucked to improve his tones;
And surely deafness no further could reach
Than to be in his mouth without hearing his speech!

She was deaf as a nut--for nuts, no doubt,
Are deaf to the grub that's hollowing out -
As deaf, alas! as the dead and forgotten -
(Gray has noticed the waste of breath,
In addressing the "dull, cold ear of death"),
Or the felon's ear that is stuffed with cotton -
Or Charles the First in statue quo;
Or the still-born figures of Madame Tussaud,
With their eyes of glass, and their hair of flax,
That only stare whatever you "ax,"
For their ears, you know, are nothing but wax.

She was deaf as the ducks that swam in the pond,
And wouldn't listen to Mrs. Bond, -
As deaf as any Frenchman appears,
When he puts his shoulders into his ears:
And--whatever the citizen tells his son -
As deaf as Gog and Magog at one!
Or, still to be a simile-seeker,
As deaf as dogs'-ears to Enfield's Speaker!