Well, I sold her a horn, and the very next day
She heard from her husband at Botany Bay!
Come--eighteen shillings--that's very low,
You'll save the money as shillings go,
And I never knew so bad a lot,
By hearing whether they ring or not!

"Eighteen shillings! it's worth the price,
Supposing you're delicate-minded and nice,
To have the medical man of your choice,
Instead of the one with the strongest voice -
Who comes and asks you, how's your liver,
And where you ache, and whether you shiver,
And as to your nerves, so apt to quiver,
As if he was hailing a boat on the river!
And then, with a shout, like Pat in a riot,
Tells you to keep yourself perfectly quiet!

"Or a tradesman comes--as tradesmen will -
Short and crusty about his bill;
Of patience, indeed, a perfect scorner,
And because you're deaf and unable to pay,
Shouts whatever he has to say,
In a vulgar voice, that goes over the way,
Down the street and round the corner!
Come--speak your mind--it's 'No' or 'Yes.'"
("I've half a mind," said Dame Eleanor S.)

"Try it again--no harm in trying,
Of course you hear me, as easy as lying;