had been sent by God for the spiritual service of his neighbors. But
his doubts only had their rise in the powerful attractions he had for
contemplation, which the tenderness of his conscience made him fearful
of resisting, by employing himself in the exercises of an active life;
and it was this that lessened his inclination for the functions of
Apostolicity; for, according to the doctrine of the Fathers, and of
Saint Bernard in particular, there are no more worthy ministers of the
Gospel than such as devote themselves to conversation with God in
retreat, and who leave that retreat to preach the doctrines of salvation
only when they have reason to think that God calls upon them to do so.
Our Lord, who thus in his wisdom permitted that His servant should
labor under this uncertainty, revealed to him already that he was
destined to labor for the salvation of souls, and we shall see, further
on, that He assured him again by other revelations.

The hut in which these men devoted to evangelical poverty had retired,
was so small and so confined, that, far from being able to lie at full
length in it, there was barely room for them to sit, insomuch that
their Father was obliged to assign to each his place by writing his
name on the joists, in order that they might pray and take their rest
without being incommoded. They remained some time in this miserable
habitation, which might be looked upon more as a tomb for the living,
or rather for such as were dead to the world; and they bore it for the
love of God, with more fraternal charity and gaiety than can be
described. The life they led there was so laborious, and so poor, that
frequently, not having a morsel of bread, necessity compelled them to
search the country for herbs and roots, which they ate with
satisfaction; preferring to be nourished with tears rather than with
any other food.