no voice whatever. Now and then I strove to assert myself by
disapproval of suggestions offered to me, but in the end was
generally forced to admit I was wrong. We had a very large order
for which we were obliged to make special arrangements with
manufacturers. Both Johnson and Marsh were of opinion that a
particular firm which had often supplied us was not to be trusted,
as our dealings with them during my absence had been unsatisfactory.
I was inclined foolishly but naturally, to attach little importance
to anything which had been done entirely without me, ridiculed their
objections, and forced my decision upon them. The firm broke down;
our contract with them was cancelled; another had to be made under
pressure, and we lost about five hundred pounds. Although I was not
reminded of my responsibility in so many words, I knew that I was
solely to blame; I became more than ever convinced I was useless,
and I was much dejected. At last I made up my mind to retire. I
was urged to remain, but not, as I imagined, with any great
earnestness, and on the 31st December 1856 I left the office in
Eastcheap never to enter it again.

For the first two or three weeks I enjoyed my freedom, but when they
had passed I had had enough of it. I HAD NOTHING TO DO! Every day
at the hours when business was at its height, I thought of the
hurry, of the inquiries, of the people waiting in the anteroom, of
the ringing of bells, of the rapid instructions to clerks, of the
consultations after the letters were opened, of our anxious
deliberations, of the journeys to Scotland at an hour's notice, and
of the interviews with customers. I pictured to myself that all
this still went on, but went on without me, while I had no better
occupation than to unpack a parcel, pick the knots out of the
string, and put it in a string-box. I saw my happy neighbours drive