is given, by the Spirit, the word of wisdom; to another the word
knowledge by the same Spirit; and to another faith, etc. 1 Cor.
xii. And though, as I have since seen, that by this scripture the
Holy Ghost intends, in special, things extraordinary, yet on me it
did then fasten with conviction, that I did want things ordinary,
even that understanding and wisdom that other Christians had. On
this word I mused, and could not tell what to do, especially this
word 'Faith' put me to it, for I could not help it, but sometimes
must question, whether I had any faith, or no; but I was loath to
conclude, I had no faith; for if I do so, thought I, then I shall
count myself a very cast-away indeed.

48. No, said I, with myself, though I am convinced that I am an
ignorant sot, and that I want those blessed gifts of knowledge and
understanding that other people have; yet at a venture I will
conclude, I am not altogether faithless, though I know not what
faith is; for it was shewn me, and that too (as I have seen since)
by Satan, that those who conclude themselves in a faithless state,
have neither rest nor quiet in their souls; and I was loath to fall
quite into despair.

49. Wherefore by this suggestion I was, for a while, made afraid
to see my want of faith; but God would not suffer me thus to undo
and destroy my soul, but did continually, against this my sad and
blind conclusion, create still within me such suppositions,
insomuch that I could not rest content, until I did now come to
some certain knowledge, whether I had faith or no, this always
running in my mind, But how if you want faith indeed? But how can
you tell you have faith? And besides, I saw for certain, if I had
not, I was sure to perish for ever.